Fanfiction: Gay

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me,
So won’t you kill me, so I die happy?
- Dashboard Confessional, Hands Down

“Tatsuki, answer me truthfully. Are you a lesbian?”

“OUCH!!!”

“Bloody woman, what was that for? I was merely asking a perfectly no – OUCH! Damn it, Tats, keep your hands to yourself!”

“Sheesh…women…”

“Nothing, I said nothing…”

“Hey, look, I’m not about to discriminate you or whatever if you are gay, ok. I’m fine with it. So don’t don’t tell me just because you’re afraid or something.”

“So you’re not gay? Really? Not gay?”

“OUCH!”

“Okay, okay! I get it! You’re not gay and you’re in love with someon – WHAT? YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE?”

“Are you sure you’re not making this up just to try to convince me you’re no – OUCH! Damn it, Tatsuki, I said keep your bloody hands off! OUCH! And knees! OUCH! And legs!”

“Soo…when did you, my dear Tats, suddenly grew up and notice boys? I mean, as your best friend, I suppose I have the right to actually screen this guy first, before he hurts you or anything. By the way, when did you liked this person? Why didn’t I noticed? What’s his name? How old is he? Where does he live? Ho – OUCH! …Damn, I forgot you got a hard head as well…”

“Well, if you don’t want me to ‘interrogate’ you, as you so nicely put it, spill it out!”

“We’ll start with the most fundamental aspect of this mysterious lover-boy of yours…hmm…like, is he, uhh, male?”

“AAAAARGH! It’s a joke, it’s a joke! Can’t you take a joke?”

“Fine, fine, I’ll ‘behave’ myself. Just tell me who he is and I’ll tortur – sorry, ‘investigate’ him out myself…”

“Ok, ok, so let me get this straight. He’s our age, from our class, in fact, he’s a stubborn, idiotic moron who is a thick-headed fool. He has a suicide tendency and has too many close girl friends. He doesn’t smile, isn’t good looking, isn’t charming and is plain stupid most of the time. He loves to fight, has no respect for elders and does not have any specific advantages compared to an ape. Are you that desperate ‘till you’ll like such a guy?”

“OUCH! Woman, I swear…hit me one mo – AARGH! Fine, I’m sorry!”

“…and he’s an inconsiderate, insensitive idiot with the emotional range of a teaspoon as well? Is it even possible for one man to incorporate so many vices at once? Wait…it is…I mean, he is from our class, right? And out class is filled with such guys…”

“Is it Keigo? Is it? I swear, if it is, I’m gonna go and castrate that bastard first before he even thinks of touching you in any way! I know! I’ll ask Kenpachi-taichou for some tips on frightening people…I’m sure he has a whole book on them…hehehe…”

“No? Not Keigo, huh? Then…is it Mizuru? Mizuru? MIZURU? Hmm…I didn’t know he was such a person. Always thought he was quiet and unassuming guy. Nice, too. Scary, to think that he was hiding such a person behind that false nice-guy look…”

“Not Mizuru as well? No? Then who is he? Noo…don’t tell me…it’s Ishida? But Ishida does not have any girlfriends at all…Chad? Hmm? Chad, Chad, is it Chad? Chad?”

“Am I right? Am I? Am – MMMMPPPHH!”

“It’s me?”

“Are you sure?”

“’Cause I am Kurosaki Ichigo and I’m not perfect! I’ve many vices an – hey! Wait a second…I’m the bastard you were talking about? Hey! I resent that! I’m not a stubborn, idiotic moron who is a thic – MMMMMPPPHHH!”

“I guess we’re both kinda gay now after all!”

GAY noun:
1. lighthearted and cheerful, happy and full of fun
2. bright colored, dressed or decorated in bright colors
3. homosexual, of homosexuals