Sheldon Ooi And The Terrible, Awful, No Good, Really Bad Day

Everybody has a day in their life where everything that could possibly go wrong goes wrong. Well, people, today (10/06), is my day. I know many people have been pestering me on the status of this blog - rest assured, it's not dead, merely suffering from a lack of inspiration and a lack of motivation. I just didn't have enough desire, for lack of better word, to blog about something. Nothing particularly irritating so much so that I had to resort to blogging to get it out of my system. So, to Gerard, Jay, Su Lin, and whoever who was wondering, "I'm BACK!" with no good news however, at least for today.

*Sighs*.

Sure enough, it started unsuspectingly normal, however. 'Till I checked that I had a checkstop (some kind of block that UB implements to prevent students from enrolling for the next semester) and the only way to clear that was to travel all the way to the South Campus - a good ten minutes bus ride from where I stay. But that was still fine with me. I went to class, and everything was normal. Fine. So after class, I caught the bus to South Campus, did my thing to clear the checkstop, and waited for almost half an hour to get on the bus that takes me home. Fine. I was good. Sometimes, you get your bus, sometimes not.

So I went back to my room, everything fine and dandy, 'till the evening. You see, my dormitory has a health and safety inspection today, so one of the thing that violates this was the extension my roommate was using. So he went out, before I remembered to remind him to unplug his extension. So come the time for the inspection, I was fretting that he would be in trouble, so I decided to call him. Imagine my surprise when I was told that my phone account was temporarily suspended because I did not pay the bill (which I thought I did when I called to settle it through the phone). By then, I was already irritated. I tried accessing their online service, but was told I needed a SSN (social security number). I was pissed by then. I stalked angrily through their website, hoping to find a way to communicate my annoyance at them. Then, the funniest part was, I couldn't call them because my 'account was suspended' and I couldn't email them because I needed an account (which needed the SSN).

I was boiling.

I swore and stalked forums for help. Thankfully, one forum told me a brilliant way to bypass the stupid SSN request. I followed it and lo, and behold, I paid my bill and un-suspend my account. Mind you, my original intent was to just call my roommate, so that was exactly what I did. I called him, and he didn't answer. I was positively worried (and supremely annoyed) so I just unplugged the extension and hid it. The inspection went without another hitch, and you would think that that would be the last of my problems.

So I rushed to the bus stop, because I had a club meeting at 8 and by then it was 7.30 p.m. I thought I could catch the 7.40 p.m. bus, but no bus came. In fact, no bloody bus came until 8, so I had to rush to where my club meeting was held (which was a good 5 minutes walk from the stop). Needless to say, I was late. But the club was cool, so I chilled.

The club ended at 9.30 p.m. and it was raining then. My clubmate and I decided to run, and we ran. When I went on to the bus however, I realized that my bloody day wasn't over yet, when I found out to my horror, my PHONE WAS NOT WITH ME!!! The bus left, I ran back to my room, dumped my stuff, and decided to try and call my number, to no avail. I retraced my steps, in the rain and cold, but still no phone. I have a bloody quiz tomorrow, of which I'm still quite blur with the facts (and I can't study, since I'm not in a proper mood to do so), my right hand feels like its been frozen and I STILL AM PHONELESS. And you guys wanna know what the best thing is? I've just spent like 35 dollars to reactivate my phone, and it looks certainly like I have to suspend it AGAIN!

*Sighs*.

So here I am, ranting and ranting and ranting. I'm just crossing my fingers that I left my phone at the club, and my clubmates would have kept it for me.

And that's my just awful day.

Can it get any worse?

Tomorrow - my scheduled call with my parents.

*Sighs*.

That's it folks. Thanks for bearing with my rant.

'Till the next time (hopefully with my phone) - see ya!

EDIT: Thank God for the kind Samaritans who found my phone and gave it to the police. I wish Malaysians were more like these kind people! All hail America! Haha... found my phone, and the day is starting to look better! Thank God once again!

Mid-year Resolution

Well, the title tells it all, right?

A quick browse through the calender has brought to my attention the fact that I'm actually leaving Malaysian soil in something like two months, and actually furthering my studies in the States. I should say its pretty much a dream come true, as I used to want to go to the States, at least before Bush come into the picture. Nevertheless, my desire has been re-ignited, what with the recent change shown by the Obama administration. But I digress. This post shall not be about the States or anything else for the matter, but rather what I want to do before I fly off.

Learn to drive
Everyone knows how much I talk about my driving (or rather, my lack of it). Truly, I seriously want to actually start driving, but my parents are hard to be convinced. Apparently, my father STILL does not trust my driving skills enough for me to drive alone. Hopefully, within these two months, I'll be able to convince him otherwise...or I'll just have to sneak off to drive in the States...:-p.

The reason why I want to drive is apparent, all my friends are driving, and I'm kinda envious of the freedom having a car and the means of driving grants. Besides, I still want to prove what two of my *friends* wrong and show them that I can drive too!

Learn to play the piano
Ah, the shocker, I guess. Well, those who know me from young who remember me as the person who complained the most about how having three sisters learning to play the piano is detrimental to one's ears and mental health. Well, if they could only play like how Nodame or Chiaki plays, I would not have formed such a bad impression on that musical instrument.

Perhaps its just a fancy wish, but I would like to say that I can play a musical instrument at the very least. My sister says learning a guitar by oneself is easier than the piano, but I feel that the piano sounds better...or maybe its because there was not any guitar instrument in Nodame Cantabile...:-).

I've actually taken to getting materials on how to learn the piano, but I've yet to print them and actually practised on the piano. The former I blame on my laziness, the latter on the questions I'm bound to face by my very, very busybody parents. Sigh.

Exercise
Well, if the previous resolution did not kill any of you, this would. Haha. I've lost all motivation to keep my insane schedule I had in INTI. Gone are the days where I would force myself up to jog. I bet all my hard-earned stamina has dissipated and now replaced by the layers of fat surrounding my tummy.

Well, I guess the blame can be shifted a little to my mum who cooks good food; food which leads me to eat until three helpings of rice and rice = carbohidrates = fat. Ah well. I just hope I can regain my motivation in time, so that I would not look like an overweight nerd with crazy hair. Wait, I'll then look like Albert Einstein! ;-p.

Write at least an hour daily
I'm sure everyone knows about my obsession with the written word. If not, kindly read my blog post entitled Words. Hehe. Thus, to implement all that I've said there, I would need constant practice. I've been distracted lately with good mangas, animes, dramas and fanfiction, but I really need to buck up if I want to improve. *Must work hard!*

Start reading the newspapers from page to page
To be well-informed enough with the world to at least be able to converse with my friends on whatever topic they want; a dream. To achieve that dream, I've to learnt to start reading newspapers thoroughly. I tend to skip to eye-catching topics, leaving me woefully inept in having diverse conversations with my friends.

Perhaps I should dedicate an hour or so as well to accomplish this resolution.

Start following the resolutions I draw up
Ah, the age-old resolution. I'm certain I've added this resolution to all my other resolutions, but like usual, this is always the first one I break...:-p. Hence, by actually posting this, I hope I can motivate myself ENOUGH to NOT break it this time. I most certainly need the self-discipline it instills, for I can't keep screwing up in the States like how I screwed up in INTI. Hehe.

Well, those are all my resolutions for this mid-year session. I really hope I can keep them. I'll update you guys on the state of my resolutions next week. Till then, cheer me on!

My Lovely Sam-Soon

Well, I apologized for the last post (I know I still owe my readers two posts, seeing that I had not updated for Saturday and Sunday) but I have a very valid reason, at least in my opinion. I was actually rushing to complete the hit Korean series, 'My Lovely Sam Soon'.

Shocked? (Yes, the epitome of masculinity, the great Deus actually watches Korean dramas...sue me.)

Let's proceed. :-p


Synopsis:

My Lovely Sam Soon depicts the rather endearing tale of a 30 year old woman, plump and unattractive in every sort of way, who sets on a journey to quest for her true love. Kim Sam Soon (Kim Sun Ah) is a patissier (a fanciful name for a pastry chef, for those who were uninformed - and yes, by that I mean YOU ... :->) born with a talent in making pastries and disasters out of relationships. After a disastrous Christmas Day outing which saw her losing both her job and her boyfriend Min Hyun-Woo (Lee Kyu Han) and meeting with arrogant restaurant owner Hyun Jin-Heon (Hyun Bin) in humiliating circumstances, Sam-Soon manages to obtain the post as patissier in the latter's restaurant, although they both remain in bad terms with each other.

A chance event, however, leads Jin-Heon to propose an outrageous plan to his patissier: pretend to be his girlfriend to convince his mother to stop arranging blind dates. While rejecting the offer at first, Sam-Soon is then forced to accept as a series of unfortunate events which involved her father, her uncle, bankruptcy and the house as mortgage leaves her and her family in need of 50 million won to keep their house. Both slowly grew on each other, but things fall awry when Jin-Heon's ex-but-bot-really-ex-girlfriend, Yoo Hee-Jin (Jung Ryu Won) comes back from the States to claim back her man. Throw in Hee-Jin's smiling-I'm-sorry-I-can't-speak-Korean friend, Henry Kim (Daniel Henney), Sam-Soon's volatile mother, Jin-Heon's authoritative one, a cute little girl who chooses not to speak and messy events into the fray, and voila! - one hilariously funny but still heartwarming tale of My Lovely Sam Soon for the audience :-).

Plot:

While certainly not the most original of plots, My Lovely Sam Soon still differs greatly from many of its peers, as it injects much needed humor into the Korean drama market. In fact, what makes this drama unique, in my opinion, is its seamless interplay between humor and drama, between the times you would laugh till you cry and the times you would cry till you laugh (at your silliness at crying in the first place...;-)). Within its mere sixteen episodes, creators Kim Do-woo and Ji Su-Hyeon had managed to create a heartwarming drama without all the unnecessary complications one commonly finds in the average Korean drama, while including just enough slice-of-life moments to provoke some soul-searching amongst its viewers.

The plot, which started a little slowly, picks its pace sure enough, always leaving the viewers asking for more. In fact, I'll give the plot 4 stars and a half out five for its engaging plot.

Characters:
Kim Sam-Soon:
The middle-aged patissier with the dream of opening her own cake shop and an fanatical obsession of changing her name, Sam-Soon is the third daughter of a rice-cake chef. A little heavy around the body with a penchant of for cussing and hitting people (and incontinence, when she's drunk), Sam-Soon is not an attractive woman. Period. With age catching up on her, she faces difficulty in securing her soul mate, especially after being played a fool by Hyun-Woo.

Nevertheless, she's an upbeat, optimistic woman who faces every challenge with determination to succeed. She's also a very forgiving character, at least in my case, or she's just plain stupid for forgiving Jin-Heon everytime he hurts her. In a nutshell, her character is likable enough to be a protagonist, and you just have to empathise with her luck in relationships.

Kim Sun-Ah as Kim Sam-Soon: Kim Sun-Ah performed admirably as Kim Sam-Soon, to the point that she was willing to even put on 15 pounds just to act in this drama. She's amusing to watch, with her very malleable face capable of capturing the many emotions that make Sam-Soon so special. She cries well enough, and her scenes with Henry Kim (Daniel Henney) are a joy to watch. I have only one minor complaint: her voice sometimes get really really grating, especially when she gets drunk. And perhaps she's too attractive to play the role of an unattractive middle-age woman?

Hyun Jin-Heon:
The male lead of the drama, Jin-Heon is the angst ridden man of mystery who's past casts a cloud over the blooming relationship between him and Sam-Soon. He simply loves to irritate the latter, and loves to get her all riled up. He grows to be more mature by the end of the series, though.

Personally, I hate this character. I find him too indecisive; usually leaving Sam-Soon in a lurch, what with him leaping before looking. His jokes on Sam-Soon tend to get out of hand as well, usually ending up with him hurting her a lot. Fortunately for him, one redeeming feature of him is a side of his personality which cares very much for his niece, Hyun Mi-Joo (Suh Ji Hee). Apparently he's a nice guy as well...;-p.

Hyun Bin as Hyun Jin-Heon: Ah, the Jae Hee and Kwon Sang-Woo lookalike. Seriously, he just looks way too much like the other two in this series. Hyun Bin played Jin-Heon okay-ly, I guess. He did the angsty-wangsty-ness well enough, but he just doesn't look sincere enough for Sam-Soon (maybe I'm just biased against the character...:-p). His interactions with Henry was less hilarious than Sam Soon's but still funny all the same. His English ain't that good, however. His angry scenes are brilliant, and you could almost feel his anger (however irrational and misplaced) vented out at poor Sam-Soon.

Yoo Hee-Jin:
I can't really say much without spoiling the entire drama for my readers, but suffice to say she's the cause of the drama-ishness of the story. She's the childhood friend-cum-lover of Jin-Heon, and while I would normally root for such relationships (I believe matches aren't made in heaven and most certainly not in a first look), I find her a little spoilt and selfish.

Sure, she's sweet and all, but her callous way of treating Henry and her rude behavior with Sam-Soon makes her look ugly, at least in a deeper sense that transcends looks.

Jung Ryu-Won as Yoo Hee-Jin: She's good as Hee-Jin. She plays the lovesick part very well, and you can see her neediness for Jin-Heon clearly on the screen. She speaks near perfect English, and her voice is really soothing to the ears too (especially after a Sam-Soon drunken bout...:-)).

Henry Kim:
The half-Korean, or at least, that much we know from his brief past. His mother was Korean, certainly, but he was brought up in the States and thus can't speak any Korean (like me! Haha...). He's on a six month sabbatical in Korea. Though only considered a friend by Hee-Jin, he's completely in love with her, and his patience with her lovesickness just makes me wonder, sometimes, whether he's a masochist or not.

He's quite the comic relief of the show, especially through his interactions with the various characters, most notably Sam-Soon. He would smile his queer smile as the Koreans would just prattle on and on, occasionally scolding him or mocking him.

Daniel Henney as Henry Kim: I honestly thought that he had a receeding hairline, and was not all that good-looking from the first looks of the box cover of the discs. Thus, I was pretty shocked when I saw that he was actually quite good looking, and has a very rich baritone that fits his mature character very well. As mentioned, he plays the comic relief very well, and his scenes with Sam-Soon are amongst the most hilarious.

Couples:
Sam-Soon and Jin-Heon: The cliche of all cliches, this couple has it all, in terms of 'let's pretend we're in love but then I love you' and 'I hate you so much that I love you.' As mentioned, I disliked Jin-Heon, so I'm not really much of a fan of this couple, though I'll admit that their chemistry is visible on screen. Their interactions tend to be intense, and there's always a competition between the two to see who can achieve dominance over the other. While he tends to be hurtful towards her, he can also be very nice and doting as a partner.

Jin-Heon and Hee-Jin: The classic lovers - the close friends who relationship eventually develops further. This couple is mostly built on memories of the past, and there is always a faint feeling that that the relationship is somewhat unbalanced, with her pining more for him. His anger in the beginning was justified, and so was his forgiving her, but his sudden capitulation to Sam-Soon's (nonexistant) charms left me wondering what exactly went wrong.

Hee-Jin and Henry: He makes her laugh...a lot. She tends to be very happy whenever she's with him, and it's clear that he really loves her. I prefer their chemistry than that of hers and Jin-Heon's, if not for the fact that his temperament suits her better (i.e. he's actually rational most of the times when she's not) then simply for the reason that I like their conversations (I've a fetish for both voices and English...;-p).

Sam-Soon and Henry: Ahhh...the couple that is NOT meant to be. As there's no inkling or sign of interest between these two, its safe to say that these two will never ever hook up in any case, except in the imagination of thousands of viewers. Nevertheless, I would have like to see them together, because I feel that in their relationships, both tend to get the short end of the stick. Besides, their interactions would be something to die laughing for...:-).

Suffice to say, the casting and characterization are pretty well done, but my main grouse is still there: I still hate Jin-Heon's character, so I'll only rate a 3 and a half out of five for characters.

Conclusion:
This series is quite an engaging K-drama to watch. It is well enough that there weren't any sappy and/or unbelieveable story arcs, and I'm grateful that the creators did not try to extend the story by adding more drama. I'll rate this a 4 out of 5 stars in general. Try and watch it if you can, it'll be worth your money!

Some useless trivia:
(1) Noticed that the two main leads share the same surname as the characters they play?
(2) There's actually a localized Phillipines version.
(3) People actually say that this series is like an Eastern adaptation of Bridget Jones (overweight and unattractive, much?)
(4) There's a beautiful poem in this series. It goes like this:

Dance like no one's watching.
Sing like no one's listening.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt before.
Live like there's no tomorrow.

(4) I finished 16 hours worth of drama in 2 days.
(5) That's why I'm owing two more blog posts...hehe.

P.S. Due to the demands of my *fans*, I've allowed for anonymous comments already. Cheers!

Friends

I originally meant to make it a habit to update at least once a day; if not to inform my dear beloved readers (in my case, it's actually just a single reader, as judged by the comments left) on my how-a-bouts but also to keep my writing in practice. Hence, this post, even though its still very early today (5/5/2009).

Last night, I went out and indulge myself in the very common Malaysian-esque practice of drinking tea (yamcha) though another friend and I were the only people drinking tea. It was a gathering of friends from my high school, so it was a reunion of sorts.

What amazed me the most throughout the entire duration (from 9.30 p.m. to 12 a.m. - that's why I did not answer any of the MSN) was that this was the crowd which I did not really fit it with during my school years. They were the chinese educated Bentongites, meaning they converse almost fully in Cantonese and are well-briefed in Mandarin. Thus, being the lone 'banana' amidst the crowd used to be unnerving and uncomfortable, to say the least. This led me to perfect my lone-wolf act during my teenage years, and garnering the moniker as a stuck-up dude as well.

But then, there I was, sitting and chatting amicably with the rest of them. Sure, we still have communication problems, but I've learnt more Cantonese since then and they've practiced a little more English. So, in a utter mix of Cantonese and English, we manage to carry on conversations pretty well. We chatted on alot of things, with them hounding me for a treat since I was flying soon, and a wide critique on recent movies, games and sports.

However, there were a number of silent intervals at which we were all looking for things to talk about. Perhaps it's just me, but I think that this unnatural periods were probably due to the lack of contact we maintain amongst each other when we are all separated and studying in our respective universities.

And I noticed as well that our interests probably diverged along the path to adulthood as well. Being so accustomed to discussing politics with my friends in INTI, I was a little surprised that the word politics was never even mentioned once throughout the two hours reunion. I guess the small-town kids really do have a different mode of thinking as compared to big-town kid :-).

Nevertheless, the reunion was still fun, and I'm looking forward to the next one when my friend comes back from U.K..

Before I take my leave for the day, a dedication to my friends:

What's more than a shadow,
That sticks by you from day to night,
And shares all your joy and your sorrow,
The wind that lets you take flight?

He is the helping hand,
She is the fellow fighter,
Your wounds they mend,
Your burden made lighter.

They are your friends.

Thanks for being a friend!

Words

It's been quite some time since I've last updated my blog - I'm lacking in both inspiration and motivation to at least come up with something new for everyone to read. What with me being such a self-professed ardent lover of the written word, I can't but not feel a little hypocritical especially when I kept pestering my friend to update hers :-).

A quick survey through all that I've posted reveals a very harsh truth - nobody likes my poems. That said, not many enjoy reading the fanfiction I posted either. Conclusion: People who visit my blog lack the subtle touch of artistry that is required to appreciate such fine works of art...or I plain suck in writing. I'm inclined to think the former, but like my friend once said, "If everyone feels the same way, then something must be wrong."

I would like to paint a picture whereby I can boldly declare that I've always enjoyed the written word. Sadly, that is as far from the truth as possible. I HATED reading when I was young. I was such a slow reader - my parents actually tried bribing me to read finish a Bobsey (spelling?) Twins adventure. They offered to buy me a bike if I managed to do so. I was six at that time, and a bike seemed like an adventure. I'm twenty this year, and I still can't ride a bike. Needless to say, the book was simply cast aside.

I could pretend and say that perhaps my folks just used the wrong bait to lure me to a reading habit. It wouldn't be much of a lie, I guess. Bobsey Twins was as dull as a school textbook. But then again, I just hated looking at words back then. I would beg my sisters to "play with me" sans all the possible innuendoes any sick people reading would imagine. Of course, they had to play with me - no one throws a bigger tantrum than me back then :-). So, as a result of my illiterate days, I only learnt how to read when I was in Standard 2, which was very bad. My brother had already started devouring encyclopedias when he was three. Sigh.

But in any case, my earliest memories of reading came from Reader's Digest. I enjoyed its humor while briefly browsing through its tedious articles. From then on, there was no turning back. I swept through the mini library I have at home even the 'forbidden' books my mother has - books written by my namesake, Sidney Sheldon, or the illustrious Jackie Collins. I was beginning to develop a fondness for the written word, and I soon start dreaming of producing my own works.

I could still remember my first foray into the realm of authoring a book. It was based on the fantasy series by Terry Brooks, entitled (I still cringed in abject horror as I recall) "The Druids Of Shannara". Anyone familiar with the Shannara series would know that it's not original nowadays, for the author himself has produced a novel with that title. But back then, I didn't know better, and I thought I was producing a masterpiece. Candor compels me to admit what I merely did was to write one paragraph before tearing it to pieces when my siblings laughed after reading it.

My intense interest of writing came to a head in Form 3, when I was studying for my PMR. It was somewhere then when the novelty of fanfiction was just beginning to set it, and I was swept into its addictive current as well. I would lock myself in my room, rocking to the music of "Accidentally In Love" by Counting Crows (it was really popular then), and draft out long pieces of fiction - all under the pretense of 'studying'. The fact that I only got 6 As for my PMR can probably prove how long I spent wasting my time.

My interest bloomed in Form 4 and 5, whereby I actually started dreaming of a writing career. I told my siblings that, and they enlisted the eldest to actually 'talk some sense into me'. I began writing furiously, even for class homework, to which my English teacher would just roll her eyes and probably chuck my papers somewhere.

Thus, when I came to INTI, I was first excited by the thought that since I'm with all other top students, surely there would be some who would love writing just as much as I did. There were, of course, but those were people I wasn't that close with. My friends were just so-so with reading and writing, and they had an insane vision of me being a good writer. Honestly speaking, I personally feel that there are tons of better writers out there, and I'm just an average one at the very most. I love writing, but I'm not that good at it. In fact, I've actually planned so many things to write, long epics which could take anyone's breath away, but all these projects just dwindle down into nothingness in the end.

A list of my weakness in writing amounts to something like this:
a) My vocabulary needs an expansion - I don't really describe things well enough
b) When writing fiction, I tend to get carried away and lose my plot
c) I'm probably lacking in brain cells (my mum attributes this to the computer), so I can't really remember phrases I love, making my product sound all weird and funny
d) I'm a perfectionist, so when I spot something I don't like, rather than just editing it out, I tend to delete the entire thing (I hope this explains for my lack of updates)

My resolution to these issues:
a) Intensely study all Reader's Digest Word Power articles
b) Copy out nice phrases
c) When reading, take note of how authors construct their description

These will probably take time, but I'm serious about writing. Wish me luck - cheers!

Poem: Birthday

Today,
A star is born,
A song is sung,
A portrait is drawn,
A thought is voiced,
But,
Today,
You exist.

Today,
We celebrate,
We cheer,
We cry,
We smile,
For,
Today,
You exist.

Today,
Is not any special,
Is not any different,
Is not any significant,
Is not any memorable,
Except,
Today,
You exist.

Today,
Is the day,
Was the day,
Will be the day,
Forever the day,
As,
Today,
You exist.

Happy Birthday!

Poem: Memories

Memories,
Are nothing but a road long travelled,
Pitted and cobbled,
With bricks and stones,
Of all shapes,
And sizes,
That weathers the test of time,
That fades in color and strength,
But still remain,
Pieced,
Fitting,
Melding,
Like a jigsaw puzzle,
Both dull and bright,
That paints the picture,
The mesh of color and tone,
Of one's life and story.

Poem: Time

Eyes closed and fingers reaching out,
Nothing remains the same ever,
A second's passing and there's the doubt,
That change is constant and nothing's never.

For time flits, and time flutters,
Dipping its wings for you and me,
Caging us and all that matters,
Within its essence, the time that be.

In rapture and time will fly,
Absent of heed and thought,
That plagues the wintry sky,
That toil and trouble have wrought.

None is spared its passing,
No old nor young nor man nor beast,
Can flee its touch, the everlasting,
That starts and ends the life, the feast.

And bound are we, by bone and blood,
To its tender mercy, or its chilling gaze,
For no man knows the futures that flood,
Within the confines of its temporal maze.

Poem: Alone

Silence pervades the air,
It hangs
Ominously,
Heavily,
Drowning away the roar
Of the loudness,
Of the noise,
That you hated,
That you loathed,
The thick hustle,
The lurid bustle,
But then,
Everything's quiet,
Everything's in solitude,
And you're still,
Suffocating,
Dying,
For breath,
In your dark room,
All alone.

Keeping Up And Catching Up: That Is All

Alright, this is my first non-fanfiction related post (in this blog, I mean, after all, I still remember fondly the days of pure and soul-wrenching and soul-gripping life experiences at my livejournal one), and as much as I am flooded with work, I guess, as my friend quoted it succinctly, inspiration does come at the oddest of times. A lot of things have happened since I decided to close down my 'emo'-ings at my livejournal blog and start out afresh here, some happy, some sad, some meaningful and some not. Nevertheless, life goes on, I guess, and, well, I would rather not have it any other way than this.

I've been getting busier and busier by the day nowadays in INTI, what with the sudden increase in my workload (which is not helped at all by my excellent procrastination methods) and my obsession with a particular light novel/manga/anime series which goes by the name of Toradora!.

Of course, life in campus seems more interesting as well, as I've recently became closer with a certain dorm mate of mine of which I've been sharing the same block for like, 2 whole years, and have only come to realise that now, at the end of my venture here in INTI how interesting he was. No offence meant, Gerard, but you are a social science student, and you just know how your kind are...*twiddles thumbs and whistles innocently*.

We had more than a couple of late night conversations and we exchanged a lot of insights. I found out that he adores canon in whatever interests him (Star Wars, Star Trek, *gasp* Harry Potter, even the games he play) while he uncovered my secret fetish for non-canon, or AU (particularly for Harry Potter). He was the nice boy with the nice dreams of nice superheroes (as evidenced with him fanboying Superman) while I prefered the twisted bad good guys (I like Jack Sparrow. Need I further clarify on that?). He's a little OCD-ish when it comes to certain things (Morrowind and his sleeping routine) while I couldn't possibly be more haphazard than I already am.

Still, we had a lot in common, and even if we hadn't, it still makes for interesting conversations.

On the academic perspective, classes are average-ish, and I'm pretty surprise that I've hadn't flunk out of any yet (particularly Mr. Koong's, but I guess I've learnt my lesson). Dr. Borges' class couldn't be possibly be more interesting, what with abstract philosophical matters being thrown randomly across the classroom which were only the stuff of my dreams prior to PHI 101. Physics II seems to be progressing as well, though probably not as well as I hoped it would be. All in all, I won't be acing any class this sem, but if my current progress is maintained, at least I won't be flunking any either.

Alright, on the entertainment front, I've mentioned earlier that I was currently crazy over a Japanese series known as Toradora!, and I would seriously recommend this series to any romantic (and otaku-ish) fan out there, as the rapport and relationship between the two leads develop is simply amazing. Toradora! is simply a story about two friends, Aisaka Taiga (tiger, or 'tora-) and Takasu Ryuuji (dragon, or '-dora') and the life they share together, first as classmates, then neighbors, friends and eventually lovers.

I particularly adore this anime because I simply like the inimitable interaction between the both of them. Nevertheless, while I was watching this series, a question kept occuring to me: Can a guy and a girl simply be platonic friends without going any further? People who know me would know my stand on this (and why I hated Harry Potter canon) and this series just reinforced my views on that. Well, this obsession is really taking me far, much further than any other anime I've watched this year, as I've even taken to reading the light novels (translated, of course).

Fans of Rie Kugimiya would be please to note that she still rocks as a tsundere character while the relatively unknown seiyuu of Ryuuji, Junji Majima performed pretty well as well (in the anime). I can go on and on about this series, but I would probably do it separately later on (if I were to ever do that...hehe). Suffice to say, it's good, and I would recommend people to watch/read it.

The game that entered my life (and contributed to my current work-inundated situation) would be Morrowind, courtesy of Gerard. A real-time RPG game published by Bethesda and Ubisoft, Morrowind is the third game to be set in the fictional realm of Tamriel, after Arena and Daggerfall.

As with all of the other Bethesda games, Morrowind is particularly loved (and hated) by RPG fans because of its non-linearity and is specifically hated (or loved) again by RPG fans for its numerous bugs. Set in the realm of of the same name as the game, a home of the proud and cruel Dark Elves (or Dunmer, as they prefer to be called) Morrowind portrays a brilliant new look into the world that Bethesda painstakingly created. With a new culture (that of the Dunmer) that goes far beyond common stereotypes and an expansive lore (books are particularly numerous in the game), Morrowind is a truly immersive game, and quite certainly an excellent RPG to waste away one's free time at.

An additional item to note would be the Construction Set that it comes with, and one can simply just create one's own story and game. Brilliant, I'd say!

Woaah, I've actually been typing for almost an hour straight (see how easily I waste an hour?) and since I've yet to prepare for my class, further revelations I've recently discovered have t be put on the back-burner, at least for a while. Till the next time my muse visits me, ciao, and adios, amigos!

P.S. Khairy won the Youth Chief post, so I'm happy!

P.P.S. Shahrizat won as well, so I'm doubly happy!

P.P.P.S. I've actually seen Zaid Ibrahim in person, so I'm triply happy!

Fanfiction: Overpass

The course of true love never did run smooth.
- William Shakespeare

He likes going there, by the busy roadside which overlooked the busier highway, just watching the cars go by. People say he’s mad, but he likes to think that watching life pass by has an addictive effect on him; it soothes him and it calms him down, especially after an exhausting day of chasing spirits and hunting down ghosts.

Of course, like everything else in his life, nothing is always as it seems.

She likes to go to her workplace using the highway, straddling her bike and simply speeding with all the other vehicles. People call her a daredevil, for she constantly pushes her bike to its limit, and has a boxful of speeding tickets, but she likes to think that she’s a speed junkie, and simply loves the thrill of the wind blowing through her hair; then again, she was always more of a tomboy than a girl, after all.

Of course, like everything else in her life, nothing is always as it seems.

He would wait by the roadside, loiter around by the cliff, paying particular attention to the road below, watching and spying intently for a rider and her black motorcycle.

She would speed by on the highway, careful to wear her eye-catching black, and occasionally gaze up above to try and spot the black-robed shinigami.

And when they both see each other, they would be assured, that none was lost to the other, even though they could only catch a glimpse of the other and not touch and feel and kiss, even though their lives together begin and end in that very moment.

And after that heart-wrenching, momentous brief second when they pass by each other, everything goes back to normal, and life goes on. But he would go by that busy road again, and she would travel by the busy highway.

And their lives would cross, and they will meet, and still not meet.

OVERPASS noun:
a passage, roadway, or bridge that crosses above another roadway or thoroughfare

Fanfiction: Non Compos Mentis

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell…
- Matchbox Twenty, Unwell

You’re hearing voices, you’re seeing things. Sometimes, you swear you could see someone there, standing right behind you, watching you, protecting. Sometimes, you can feel the gaze of this mysterious angel and a warm blush would spread over your pale cheeks. It’s weird. You’re the tomboy of the town, second strongest woman in Japan. You don’t blush; you don’t feel weak in the knees. So why is it that you just feel so girlish at inopportune times, even though there wasn’t anyone around you?

Take for example, the time when you went to school, and an epiphany suddenly struck you. Was the desk at that corner always empty? Somehow, you don’t think so. But you just can’t place it in your mind, exactly who and how was the person sitting there like. But you have these vague images of a scowling face and lurid bright orange hair, but you dismiss them, for you know no one has orange hair. Then, the back of your neck prickles, and you feel as though someone was looking you up. And you blush.

You shrugged off that experience, thinking you just had a bad day. You’ve been yelled not once, not twice, but thrice from the same teacher for not completing your take home assignment (you swore you forgot all about it – then again, you’ve been forgetting many things; it’s worrying, you’re wondering whether you’re suffering from any amnesia-like diseases). So you have to serve detention (and possibly missing your favorite karate lessons as well). When you reach the detention room, you realize you’re alone with the teacher, and suddenly you get the sense that someone is staring at you again. You whipped around the classroom, and this time you got lucky and manage to get a glimpse of black robes before whatever it was disappeared.

You’re freaking out. You’ve never been one for the occult, and now it seems that you’re able to detect the supernatural. You know you should get help from the proper people (i.e. mediums and all the other paraphernalia of paranormal enthusiasts) but you think that this thing may not mean you harm (you’re actually feeling protected by this unknown being). So you continue on anyways, going home (you missed your karate lessons and the instructor was not happy). All along the way, you could still feel the mysterious presence behind you, and the warm feeling within you builds up.

Then, there was the time when you were just lying on the bed, writing in your journal. You feel like you’re forgetting something, but you just can’t remember. And then you suddenly feel something warm caressing your face. Lightly grazing your sunken cheeks. Leaving butterfly kisses along your neck. And you suddenly remembered. And recalled his name.

“Ichigo…,” you moaned.

And when ‘Ichigo’ presses his soft, soft lips (at least, that’s what you think it is) on yours and you melted into this invisible embrace, you feel as though you were made for this. The two of you fall onto the bed, and you watched in amazement as his body suddenly shimmered into view.

The orange-haired little boy who cried for his mummy, whom you grew up with, who you grew to love was watching you with a burning glaze in his amber eyes. You reach for him, your hands grasping for proof of his existence…

And you know he still watches you, even now, from the outside of the white sterile room, watching how the nurse tightened the leather straps that tied you up. Even now, as she’s injecting into your bloodstream some kind of drugs that simply made the world grew hazy…and hazier…And right before you slip back into your world of dreams, you called out to him again…

“Ichigo…”

The soft loamy earth was the only signs of the newly dug grave. You trace the intricate carving on the tombstone and then, the tears you kept inside for so long began to spill out. “Ichigo…”

NON COMPOS MENTIS noun:
insane

Fanfiction: Mount

… tomorrow and today, beside you all the way…
- Bread, If

She is lying within the comforts of her soft comfortable bed, her arms to herself, her husband’s, around her torso, staring at the white ceiling of her large bedroom. She is waiting for blissful, ignorant sleep to rob her of her conscience, rob her of her heart, and rob her of her passion, into the realm of dreams.

She waits.

Just like him, waiting patiently outside her house. Clad in his ever black robes, coolly wielding the large blade as though he was born with it. Perhaps he was, as he had told her his history (or rather, his father’s). He seemed a little apprehensive then, perhaps fearing her outright ridicule of such a peculiar story, but then, as she told him, she has seen more peculiar things. After all, Orihime is her best friend.

The grandfather’s clock chimes one a.m. The whole town is probably asleep, aside from two people. One of them is waiting for sleep, but can’t sleep, the other, staving off sleep, but yet ever so vigilant. She slips out of her husband’s reach, out of bed and stands by the window, careful not to reveal her presence to him outside.

She found out about his nightly activities when she heard Orihime complaining about him never being home. Already his daily activities as Captain of the Fifth Division was ever so draining, yet he still disappears into the night, Orihime complained. She was suspicious so she stayed up late one night, and carefully watched him assume his what-would-be favorite spot. By the large oak tree they once shared their dreams. By the large oak tree where she saw him cry for the first and last time. By the large oak tree she said goodbye to him.

She knows the reason why he guards her ever so zealously. She knows how his enemies know about his Achilles heel. She knows how they would use it against him, just to weaken him. She wants to tell him that she can protect herself, that she is not a damsel in distress. She wants to scold him for letting his wife worry. She wants to tell him to protect his wife instead, and that the past was the past and she doesn’t love him anymore.

She wants to tell him all that, but can’t. Because like him, she is still in love; and the past is still in the present for the both of them.

And so, she continues watching him from within and him, from without. And still, their love grows.

MOUNT noun:
1. to increase in amount, total or intensity
2. to place on guard

Fanfiction: Light

You raised me up, so I can stand on mountains.
- Josh Groban, You Raised Me Up

Sometimes, he feels like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

When darkness falls, when silence grows, when shadows collide, he feels as though he stands in between what’s right and what’s wrong, with the opposite ends threatening to split his very soul apart.

Sometimes, he feels lost and alone, and wants to just crumble beneath the pressure.

But he doesn’t. He doesn’t cry under the immense strain placed on his shoulders, he doesn’t buckle under the pressure of protecting what he loves; he doesn’t slip into the easy route of oblivion. For she simply exists.

She exists in many forms, as a friend, as a lover, as a wife, as his better half. And she plays many different roles, supporting him, encouraging him, loving him. And always, always, protecting him.

And just because she’s with him and not simply by his side, she drives away the night, his muscles strengthened and his will focuses, and nothing else is impossible.

He would bear the weight of the world and the other so long as she’s with him.

LIGHT
1. noun:
the presence, amount or effect that stimulates the sense of sight
2. adjective:
not heavy

Fanfiction: Kill

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
- Evanescence, My Immortal

Blood everywhere.

Splattered and streaked, sloshed and streamed, in rivulets, in rivers everywhere.

Across her face, her body, her hands. Dripping from the black blade. Trickling from the hole the large gaping hole in his chest. Puddling on the icy floor.

Her bloodied guilty hands still clutched the sword tightly, its blackened blade gleaming lightly in the moonlight, its deadly edge pointing towards his fallen body.

“…eND mY LifE aND yOu ENd hIS…” the ghastly voice echoed within her head.

She stabbed the murderous creature who took him away with the blade he always carried with him, as she watched the creature’s smug look fade away into pain and shock before reverting back to his face. His body slid easily off the sword, crumbling into ground.

She could barely hear him whispered, “…I…love…y–,” before he was silenced forever because of her.

The sword clattered down, as tears eased their way down her bloodshot eyes, her crimson sinned hands dropping to her sides, her knees on the ground. Silence perpetuated the small room, and she realized how right the creature was.

KILL noun:
to cause the death (of a person or et cetera); to cause the loss of vitality (of a plant or et cetera)

Fanfiction: Juggernaut

I’m running after you
- Planetshakers, Running After You

She certainly didn’t mean to change anything between them.

They were supposed to remain friends, best buddies, maintain their platonic relationship till God knows when.

He was supposed to be Orihime’s caring and affectionate husband, father to bright and noisy children, and only her friend. But somewhere, somehow, the lines of fate blurred, and she felt herself falling falling in love with him. Or maybe she had already already fall in love with him since she first saw him.

She tried.

God knows, she tried.

She tried avoiding him. She tried not seeing him. She tried dating spuriously. She tried quarreling with him.

Yet, she was still still more in love with him than ever.

Her heart pounds when he goes near her. Her palms sweat when he touches her. Her mouth goes dry when he talks to her. Her voice breaks when he kisses kisses her.

“Stop fighting this,” he says, his voice husky from the emotion he feels. “I will chase you if you run, I will find you if you hide. Nothing shall stand in my way.”

Then he tilts her head and stares deeply into her eyes, his filled with love.

“Because I love you.”

And she surrenders to him.

JUGGERNAUT noun:
a large overwhelmingly powerful object or institution or et cetera

Fanfiction: Inertia

But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it, where's the sense in that?
- Dido, White Flag

The slight drizzle that pattered against the roof settled to a steady pace, echoing throughout the almost empty classroom. Almost empty, for the last bell rang almost an hour ago, save two. Two heads which were bent low, busied about a large poster which was spread over a couple of desk, with markers strewn all over.

A black marker rolled slightly to the edge, stopping by an orange one.

“Ichigo?” He heard his childhood-friend-since-forever asked; the soft drumming filling up the silence of the air, eating away the unexpected and oppressive silence that hung in the air.

“Hmm?”

The pens laid there, untouched, unmoved, unchanging.

He was absorbed in his work, jotting down the details of the Karate Club, noting the time and place and contact numbers. ‘P-R-E-S-I-D-E-N-T-:-,’ he wrote, ‘T-A-T-S-U–.’ He was interrupted when a small hand covered his own, hers only slightly less callused than his. He glanced up from his work, losing himself almost immediately in her obsidian eyes, which were gleaming with affection that was colored with flecks of orange.

A slight knock tilted the fragile equilibrium of the two markers, forcing the black one through, together with the orange one.

The next thing they know, her hand was entangled in his bright colored hair, his hands are on her waist, their work crumpled between them. His thin, almost-perpetually-scowling lips are pressed softly against her tender smiling ones, their two beings melding into one. He lowered her on the classroom desk, conscience of doing that in a classroom pushed aside. She moaned in acquiescence.

And the pens dropped, clattered and came to a rest on the hard cement floor.

INERTIA noun:
the property of matter by which it remains in a state of rest, or, if it is in motion, continues moving in a straight line, unless acted upon by an external force

Fanfiction: Him

I need you, I'm for you
- Jason Lo, Operator, The Line Is Dead

She does not need to look far to see what completes her. She knows. She knows what makes her happy, what makes her smile, what makes her laugh, what makes her. She knows what takes her breath away, what breathes life in her. She knows.

She knows what is not what but rather who. For it only takes a single person to brighten up her day. It only takes a single person to wash away the pain, to kiss away the scars, to erase the nightmares. It only takes a single person to change her world, indirectly change the world. For this single person encompasses everything that is her.

It’s this person’s kiss that makes her want more. It’s this person’s kiss that spins her world, twirls it and tosses it through the golden hoop of paradise. It’s this person’s kiss that tells her how much she loves and how much she is loved. It’s this person’s kiss that she needs. It’s this person’s kiss that she loves.

And they love each other more than anything in this world. For she is she and he is he.

HIM pronoun:
the objective case of he

Fanfiction: Gay

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me,
So won’t you kill me, so I die happy?
- Dashboard Confessional, Hands Down

“Tatsuki, answer me truthfully. Are you a lesbian?”

“OUCH!!!”

“Bloody woman, what was that for? I was merely asking a perfectly no – OUCH! Damn it, Tats, keep your hands to yourself!”

“Sheesh…women…”

“Nothing, I said nothing…”

“Hey, look, I’m not about to discriminate you or whatever if you are gay, ok. I’m fine with it. So don’t don’t tell me just because you’re afraid or something.”

“So you’re not gay? Really? Not gay?”

“OUCH!”

“Okay, okay! I get it! You’re not gay and you’re in love with someon – WHAT? YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE?”

“Are you sure you’re not making this up just to try to convince me you’re no – OUCH! Damn it, Tatsuki, I said keep your bloody hands off! OUCH! And knees! OUCH! And legs!”

“Soo…when did you, my dear Tats, suddenly grew up and notice boys? I mean, as your best friend, I suppose I have the right to actually screen this guy first, before he hurts you or anything. By the way, when did you liked this person? Why didn’t I noticed? What’s his name? How old is he? Where does he live? Ho – OUCH! …Damn, I forgot you got a hard head as well…”

“Well, if you don’t want me to ‘interrogate’ you, as you so nicely put it, spill it out!”

“We’ll start with the most fundamental aspect of this mysterious lover-boy of yours…hmm…like, is he, uhh, male?”

“AAAAARGH! It’s a joke, it’s a joke! Can’t you take a joke?”

“Fine, fine, I’ll ‘behave’ myself. Just tell me who he is and I’ll tortur – sorry, ‘investigate’ him out myself…”

“Ok, ok, so let me get this straight. He’s our age, from our class, in fact, he’s a stubborn, idiotic moron who is a thick-headed fool. He has a suicide tendency and has too many close girl friends. He doesn’t smile, isn’t good looking, isn’t charming and is plain stupid most of the time. He loves to fight, has no respect for elders and does not have any specific advantages compared to an ape. Are you that desperate ‘till you’ll like such a guy?”

“OUCH! Woman, I swear…hit me one mo – AARGH! Fine, I’m sorry!”

“…and he’s an inconsiderate, insensitive idiot with the emotional range of a teaspoon as well? Is it even possible for one man to incorporate so many vices at once? Wait…it is…I mean, he is from our class, right? And out class is filled with such guys…”

“Is it Keigo? Is it? I swear, if it is, I’m gonna go and castrate that bastard first before he even thinks of touching you in any way! I know! I’ll ask Kenpachi-taichou for some tips on frightening people…I’m sure he has a whole book on them…hehehe…”

“No? Not Keigo, huh? Then…is it Mizuru? Mizuru? MIZURU? Hmm…I didn’t know he was such a person. Always thought he was quiet and unassuming guy. Nice, too. Scary, to think that he was hiding such a person behind that false nice-guy look…”

“Not Mizuru as well? No? Then who is he? Noo…don’t tell me…it’s Ishida? But Ishida does not have any girlfriends at all…Chad? Hmm? Chad, Chad, is it Chad? Chad?”

“Am I right? Am I? Am – MMMMPPPHH!”

“It’s me?”

“Are you sure?”

“’Cause I am Kurosaki Ichigo and I’m not perfect! I’ve many vices an – hey! Wait a second…I’m the bastard you were talking about? Hey! I resent that! I’m not a stubborn, idiotic moron who is a thic – MMMMMPPPHHH!”

“I guess we’re both kinda gay now after all!”

GAY noun:
1. lighthearted and cheerful, happy and full of fun
2. bright colored, dressed or decorated in bright colors
3. homosexual, of homosexuals

Fanfiction: Fairytale

‘You complete me and I just ha...’
- Jerry McGuire, Jerry McGuire

Normalcy is overrated, at least to both of them. They were unconventional and weird to Ishida, downright scary to Keigo, perfectly perfect to Orihime, loud and noisy to Chad, cute and cuddly to Rukia (surprise, surprise) and even match made in heaven to Kon (the teddy-lion did mention on how similar they were…what with their aggressive tendencies…and, oh yeah, that would mean his nee-chan would be save from the scowling pumpkin head)! While these were comments by their friends and thus actually matters, it didn’t bother them much because, to them, they were them.

Sure, saying things were downright nice and warm and fuzzy would be simply stretching the limit. For he is not a knight in shining armor, striding atop his faithful steed, just awaiting the piteous cry for help from his fair maiden, secreted away by the villainous villain in a hidden tower, guarded by a powerful but perpetually depressed guard (the maiden would then have to change her name from Tatsuki to Orihime and start growing long orange locks and have a sudden growth burst in the bosom department).

He is not noble (stubborn), not virtuous (loves to curse), not filial (enjoys beating up his father), not charming (loves to scowl) and simply not knightly. But to be fair, he is strong and powerful and has the weirdest notions in his mind to go a-rescuing damsels in distress (the said Orihime comes to mind). He is loyal to his friends and he loves to fight. Oh yeah, and he loves Shakespeare, too.

And she’s not a princess, all prim and proper, all womanly (he actually shuddered when he tried imagining her being a girl). She was of average build, black hair and has fairly decent features. She does not have an impressive rack, nor does she have a sob story bearing on her like an unseen burden and fortunately, she is not a beauty queen (it lessens the suitors and a certain aggressive molester of a woman). She was simply not a queen.

She is not kind and gentle to all creatures (learns karate and has a tendency to thrash around bullies and/or perverts), not submissive and docile (states what she wants and when she wants…anything less and they be talking to her hand), not simpering and facetious (honestly brutal and brutally honest) and dislikes being protected (prefers protecting). But she is not all that wrong, for she is fair-minded and sensitive to the needs and wants of others. She loves her friends to death and is willing to die for them. And she is brave and courageous.

On paper, they would seem to be a disastrous match, should they be brought into the same room. In reality, it was disastrous the first time they ended up in the same room (he ended up crying to his mama). Nevertheless, with much compromise and tolerance (and less of being a sissy on his part), they both grew. Grew to tolerate. Grew to compromise. Grew to understand. Grew to love.

What would seem like a volatile relationship was not that much volatile than it was a relationship. His hot-headedness suited hers; it does not allow the other to over-dominate the relationship. His saving-people complex melds well with her honesty, she never hastens to tell him when he should be heroic and when he is a fool. His tendency to go overboard with protection falls short in face with her utter hatred in being protected (he would rather whatever that was threatening her face her anger than he himself).

But it would be a lie to say that they do not fight or quarrel like other couples. For they do and the only difference is, when they do, it matters. Like the time when he went off to fight some crazy power-hungry megalomaniac with strength almost five times that of his. Or like the time when she almost died because she wanted to follow him and do the impossible. Fights between them were usually lightning storms, vicious, dangerous and quick. For they would make up immediately, for he simply cannot live without her and vice versa.

Unsurprisingly, they don’t believe in happy endings. For they both agree, true love never dies.

FAIRYTALE noun:
a tale about fairies or magic, an incredible tale, a falsehood

Fanfiction: Encore

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
- Eric Clapton, Tears In Heaven

The glaring lights of the hospital room shone brightly into his blood-rimmed eyes, a mad desperate look on his face. The smell of death, the air of despair, the presence of desperation, it all came hauntingly back to him, on that rainy, rainy night.

And he promised never to feel it again.

He glanced around the room madly, hoping for some assurance that the ancient past he buried on that day would not be repeated again. He could only see the slumped shoulders of Ishida, the sobbing figure of Orihime, the morose Chad and even a subdued Rukia.

And he remembered the emotionless face of his father and the quietness of his sisters.

His heart pounding again his chest, his nails dug so hard he was certain they would draw blood, his hair frazzled and his mind in chaos, he began pacing the waiting room up and down, waiting for the surgeons to leave the operation room with her intact. The lighted ‘EMERGENCY’ words died down. His heart shuddered. The doors opened as three tired looking doctors emerged.

His father came to him, with the saddest face the boy has ever seen his cheerful dad put on.

“We’re sorry…but we did the best we could. She’s gone…”

“Ichigo, she’s gone…”

Gone…

The simple word expanded within the waiting room, infiltrating the minds and thoughts of the people waiting there. He could barely grasped the action (Ishida hiding his face behind his hands and Rukia comforting an openly weeping Orihime) that was unfolding beyond his perception as the words rattled within his head.

“She’s gone…”

“She’s gone…”

Everything had a surreal feel to it, nothing was real. Past and present merged, and once again he was a boy, waiting for his mother to come back.

He was a man, waiting for his best friend, his lover, his wife to come back.

“Let…let me see her…her body…” he mumbled to the doctors, stumbling over the words. It was an act of treason, acknowledging her non-existence, referring to her only as a body. But it was all that he could do.

He approached the sheet covered body slowly. Reluctantly, he grasped one edge of the white sheet and slowly pulled it down. Her cold face, sleeping face met his vision. He crumbled.

He fought his father tooth and nail, he even resorted to kicking, all the while screaming, “Okaa-chaan!!!”

He pressed his warm lips on her cold and lifeless ones, heedless of the tears that were flowing unchecked down his face. Reaching for her hand, he grasped it tightly, unwilling to let it go. He fell onto his knees by her side, rocking slightly, all the while mumbling, “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you…please, I’m sorry...”

His voice dropped to a pleading whisper. “Don’t leave…,” his voice broke, “…me…”

And he cried.

And he cried.

And then, he heard a fleeting whisper echo throughout the stale air, saying, “Ichigo, don’t cry…”

“I-chi-go, don’t cry…,” the little girl tried to comfort the sobbing boy. She showed him two three star pins. “Take one. See? Now, both you and I have one. So you’re not alone…”

“…You’re not alone…”

ENCORE noun
call for repetition, item performed in response to it

Fanfiction: Discord

And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well,
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself.
- Dashboard Confessional, Vindicated

The classroom never felt smaller than before, at least, to him. Somehow, everywhere he turned, everywhere he looked, he would end up facing her. ‘Her and her god-awful, irrational, hormone driven temper!’ he thought testily, as he challenged her furious glare as their paths crossed again, for the fifth time in the class.

The class somehow knew something was going on between the two childhood friends, and the majority chose to wisely ignore it. Somehow, poking their noses into the affairs of two of the most aggressive (and strongest) students didn’t amuse them much, which was fine for Ichigo. Unfortunately, his closer group of friends simply couldn’t take a hint.

“Hey, Ichigo, what’s going on with you and Tatsuki?” Keigo asked curiously as he loomed into Ichigo’s line of sight.

“Nothing.”

“Whhaat? You call those,” Keigo pointed somewhat indirectly towards the angry look Tatsuki had been directing all day long at the orange haired teen, “normal? She looks like that only when she catches me feeling Orihime up!” Keigo narrowed his eyes at Ichigo. “Did you feel Orihime up?”

“No!” the teen in question snarled. “She just mad at me for reasons I don’t bloody know and which she bloody expects me to bloody read her mind!”

Silence fell in the classroom. Ichigo’s face reddened silently, as he realized he ranted a little louder than he expected. He glared defiantly at anyone who dared to stare at him, stopping short of her, though.

Nevertheless, he could hear her chair scrap the cement floor, he could hear her soft footsteps headed his way.

“Good luck,” Keigo whispered softly, eyeing the bristling tigress who was stalking up to her prey, as he slinked off, eager to escape whatever massacre Ichigo would be facing. The entire class followed suit, seemingly involved in whatever extra-curricular activities which required them to leave the class, providing a wide berth for both Ichigo and his angry friend.

“You know what your problem is?” he could hear her low voice quietly asking.

He turned bracing himself for the furious onslaught he thought was coming, and thus was more than surprised to see tears welling up in her large, large eyes.

“You are a bastard, Ichigo. A selfish, inconsiderate, dense bastard!” Tears were trickling unchecked down her cheeks, signaling to him how upset she really was.

Her voice then dropped to a mere whisper. “I love you…but I don’t know why I should!” Wiping the tears of her face, she hiccupped.

“You confuse me, Ichigo. You’re always around Orihime and Rukia, always smiling and laughing with them, crushing my heart. Then, you would turn to me and smile the truest smile, building up my hopes back!”

“But, then, then when I finally built up my confidence to tell you how I feel, you told me, “Sure, Tats, I love you, too.” Do you know how painful it is to hear that? Do you?” She stared into his eyes, pain evident in hers.

“No, you don’t. Because you’re Ichigo.” She answered sneeringly, her voice growing bitter. “Well, I’m sorry to have bloody messed up your day. This won’t happen again.” And with that, she wiped her tear-stained cheeks one last time and turn to leave.

And he could only stand there in shock as he tried to understand what just happened.

DISCORD noun:
disagreement, quarreling

Fanfiction: Cri de Coeur

Please come now, I think I'm falling,
I’m holding on to all I think is safe…
- Creed, One Last Breath

She thought she could get used to it.

She thought, one day, she would simply not feel it anymore.

She would not feel how they always left together.

She would not feel how she started knowing him better, how she was relegated from first to know to somewhere along the last.

She would not feel left out.

She would not feel alone.

But it was clear that she was wrong.

Simply wrong.

Every look they share, every touch they feel, every word they speak would annoyed her. It would irritate her. It would frustrate her. It made her want to scream to the world, saying that he belongs to her and only her. It made her feel like her heart was shriveling, crushed into minute pieces.

It pained her.

And so, here she was, standing awkwardly out in the rain, waiting for someone to answer the doorbell.

The door slid open to reveal and orange haired teen whose amber eyes portrayed curiosity at her and the water dripping down her wet black hair.

“Ichigo,” she took a deep breath, “I need to tell you something.”

Cri de Coeur noun
a passionate appeal, complaint or protest

Fanfiction: Bumptious

I want to lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me…
- Savage Garden, Truly Madly Deeply

They were out on the few rare dates on whatever free time they could spare. What with their college demands, his constant Shinigami-ing and her frequent international competitions, it was a miracle should they ever find time just for themselves. And today was such a miracle, and she was determined to let nothing spoil it. Nothing.

Being the gentleman he was, he let her decide the course of their date today. Feeling typically girly, she decided on the largest shopping mall that housed the largest clothes boutique, which would account for them being there for…
“…an eternity,” she heard him mumbled to himself, as he wore the soles of his shoes off, walking in circles. Nevertheless she knew he was not irritated, if not for the merest of appearance of a smile on his lip than for the fact that his face wasn’t pulled in his trademark scowl.

‘He’s actually quite cute when he’s not glaring all the while,’ she mused.
Lost in his own world, he was jostled out of his thoughts when she whacked him slightly on the air, before parading her latest acquisition in front of him. “What do you think, Ichigo?” she asked, twirling around like a ballerina.
She chose a tight black tank top, “which would look better if you actually have more of a bust, Tatsuki,” he noted, utterly unaware of the evil eye he was receiving until he was promptly kicked in the shins. Hard. By the second strongest woman in Japan.

Ouch.

“Bloody woman!” He growled.

She grinned, before fleeing back into the changing room, intent on keeping hold of the said top. She was simply glad that they could just spend time together without being burdened.

They left the shop with several bags some time later, Tatsuki deciding that a single top was not enough and proceeded to buy a matching skirt and some jeans, before dumping them all on him. “You,” she poked his chest with a finger, “shall be my pack mule today!”

She then took his large, rough hand into her small but strong ones and led him on a leisurely stroll around the mall, indulging in the peace of the moment. “You know, we don’t do this often enough.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “Just walking, together…”

“I know,” he replied quietly. “I miss you.”

She lifted her head to gaze into his amber eyes. “I miss you, too.” She tilted her head closer to his and allowed her lips to graze his. “Go…,” she whispered, as she pulled back.

He raised an eyebrow quizzically. She pointed towards his vibrating pocket.

“They’re calling you.”

“But…”

“They need you…more than me.” She lowered her eyes, unable to meet his, not wanting him to see how much pain letting him go was. “Just…just promise me you’ll come back safely…to me...”

“I will…”

He pulled her in for a fierce and passionate kiss, before sprinting off.
Sometimes, she just wishes that he was more selfish and she, more inconsiderate and that they could just spend a day without bothering about the world. For she now knows the sight of his retreating back very well now.

BUMPTIOUS noun:
conceited

Fanfiction: Analgesia

Don’t waste your time on me; you’re already a voice inside my head.
- Blink 182, I Miss You

‘Why are you always so insistent on protecting everyone?’

He lunged hazardously at the black amorphous monster, aiming for a fatal blow and hopefully, ending the battle quickly.

‘I don’t need your protection!’

He didn’t see the curling tail, waiting for a foolish move.

‘I need you…’

He was whipped across the large classroom, smashing into desks and chairs along the way before finally crunching hard against the wall. His head crashed into the nearby board, scarring his face with untold scratches and gashes. The impact drove all air out of his lungs, and his attempts to regain his breath were rewarded with several bloody coughs.

‘So…’

His world spun around him, with darkness slowly encroaching on his vision. He clutched his blade tightly, trying to maintain his grip on the world. Pain wracked his battered body.

‘Don’t leave me.’

Using his blade as a prop, he managed to get up on his feet, albeit still wobbling. He’ll have to end the battle swiftly before he either lose all consciousness or faint from the excruciating torture, but that would mean death. Gripping the hilt tightly, he drew it up, leaning against the smashed wall. He can’t die.

‘Promise me…’

He promised. He gritted his teeth. Taking a deep breath, he prepared himself.

‘That no matter how far you have to run, you come back…’

“BANKAI!”

‘… And that if things messed up, you’ll wait…wait for Rukia, wait for Chad, wait for Ishida, wait for Orihime…just wait…’

His sword clattered against the cement floor as he slumped down, the last bits of the monster disintegrating into the darkness. His blood was painted all over the room, evidence of the terrific battle he had with the monster.

‘…because if you die, I will find you and kill you again!’

His world became black, and the last thought he had was of her, gracefully flitting through her opponents on the karate mat, like a butterfly.

‘I love you…’

ANALGESIA noun:
loss of ability to feel pain while still conscious

Fanfiction: The Past, The Present, The Future

I love you.
I loved the past you.
I love the present you.
I'll love the future you.

My past?
Tainted with blood, dirtied with treachery and soiled with deaths.
My present?
Undecided, lost, still searching for something to grasp on.
My future?
Empty, null, void...in short, nothing.
Do you still love me?
Do you still love the past me?
I was a murderer, I was a killer.
I took lives, I took souls.
I stole happiness, I stole joy.
Do you still love the present me?
I am lost, amidst the events that transpired.
I am still undecided...what should I do?
I am all alone now, and I need something, or someone to hold on.
Do you still love the future me?
I have null, void to bring with me to the future, no past, no present,
I will be empty inside, for I am alone and will be alone.
I will be nothing without the magic.
Do you still love me?

I love you.
I loved the past you.
I love the present you.
I'll love the future you.
I love you.
I loved the past you.
I loved you because even now you regret your past actions, eventhough you were not yourself when you did all those horrible things. It shows to me that you are a compassionate person, one who cherishes life to the maximum.
I loved you because you are willing to right the wrongs of your past actions, like now, when you are willing to get down and dirty to take care of the orphans the war helped create. It shows to me that you do not condone what has been done but is wise to know that the past cannot be changed, so you take care of the present.
But most of all, I loved you simply because the past you helped create the woman I love very dearly now, the past you created you.
I love the present you.
I love you because while you are lost and seeking a way out of the maze of turmoil that plagues you, you will not allow any other to suffer like you, just like when you stood bravely by my side to face the evils of the world, just because you did not want any other to suffer like you. It shows to me that you care, and that caring makes you more than a fighter, more than a tool, it makes you human.
I love you because you are true with yourself, you are true with your strengths, you are true with your weaknesses, like now, baring whatever that worries you to me. It shows to me that you know yourself, and with that, you are capable of conquering your wrongs and freeing yor rights.
But most of all, I love you simply because your present you is part and parcel of the woman I love very dearly now, the presaent you is you.
I will love the future you.
I will love you because you, being of magic, is learning how to cope without magic, and you are coping very well. It shows to me that you are an adaptable person, and that you are willing to sacrifice something that is very important to you for the sake of the world, for the sake of humankind, for the sake of me.
I will love you because you do not give up and give in easily. It shows to me that you struggle for what you think is worth struggling, and I know, even if I do not love you as much as I do now, you will not give in to life, but you will still live life to the fullest.
But most of all, I will love you simply beacuse the future you is who the woman I love very dearly now will be, the future you is who you will be.
So, I love you, I loved you, I will love you. Do you love me?

I love you, you who loves me very dearly now.
I loved you, you who have stood faithful to your love, until you seeked her permission to love another.
I will love you, you who will be who you will, simply because you are who you are.
So, I love you, I loved you, I will love you.

We love each other, we loved each other, we will love each other.
That is enough.

Is it?
Was it?
Will it?
To survive all the hardships, to endure all the obstacles...?

It is, it was, and it will.
Because I love you and you love me.
Because I loved the past you and you loved the past me.
Because I love the present you and you love the present me.
Because I'll love the future you and you'll love the future me.
So take my hand and be my wife, Terra Branford.
Will you marry me?

Yes...I will, Locke Cole.
I will.

Fanfiction: Incurable

Incestuous adjective:
The relationship between them, if one should ever come to be, in accordance to her (and him, in secret) would probably be deemed wrong by people all around them; they were considered to be siblings more than friends, thus it would seem weird should they happen.

Causality noun:
He often wondered what was it about her that made her her, after all, is was so unlike him to be him now; then again, after much reflection, he found comfort in that no one chooses who they like – it just happens.

Histrionic adjective:
He knew she was beginning to see through his phony acting; his often coincidental nature calls with Orihime was probably arousing suspicion on her part – he only hope her suspicion was of the other kind.

Impression noun:
He knew he was drawn to her the very moment he saw her for she was a flame, however small and vulnerable she may look, he knew, she scorches; sure enough, after a round of sparring, he found out how right his first thoughts of her was – ouch!

Gregarious adjective:
He was by nature a loner, preferring the silent company of himself more than the incessant mindless chatter of his classmates; yet, whenever she was around, he found himself dull and dreary, and would miraculously (he claims) find himself joining her in her mission to know everything about everyone (particularly anything scandalous).

Ortho- prefix:
Sometimes, he wonders whether his inner mind is a reflection of his current life, things weren’t upright straight as much as they should be; but then, she would just come around and knock him around for somewhat – effectively tidying up what was wrong.

Audacious noun:
He knew that she knew that he knew that she knew he liked her, she knew that he knew that she knew that he knew she likes him as well; unfortunately, what was needed now was someone to simply throw caution into the wind and just do something instead of just knowing.

Necessitous adjective:
Their relationship is subtle to say the least – you just don’t see them clinging on to each other’s existence no matter how dire the situation, thus, causing a general belief that they don’t care for each other; on the contrary, it simply shows how much they trust each other – they don’t need empty promises or anything of the sort, they simply know.

Density noun:
They knew how stupid it was to dance around each other, they know what others who were observant enough thought – that they were blind for not realizing their feelings and the sort; but they wonder, was it really stupid to enjoy the thrill, the chase, the flirting...?

Tandem noun
She hated the fact that they were no longer together, he was, after all, always leaving on those ‘toilet excursions’ of his (yeah, right, she snorts, who goes to toilet in black robes and his gigantic ass-kicking sword) and leaving her all alone – she was not totally defenseless, so why was she the one left out?

Antiquated adjective:
She is made of strong stuff – having learned to grow up in an environment usually devoid of any parental figures, yet she is still frightened; she is frightened that he would throw away their friendship just like that, should he ever deem it old and pointless; she knows she ought to have more confidence in him but it’s him and it’s the most important thing to her and she is frightened.

Telepathic adjective:
Keigo once thought they were mental – she always seemed to be able to guess what he was thinking and vice versa; she would like to say that she was a psychic who’ll be a success in fortune telling but candor compels her to acknowledge the fact that it was simple an intuition, one she share only with him.

Scum noun:
What probably attracted her to him in the first place was the similarities they share – their natural love for fighting and distaste for bullies and gangsters; put together, she knew they could get along just fine (though she can’t really say that for the said trash of society who’ll probably be experiencing a whole new definition of pain, but who really cares for such rubbish?).

Uncouth adjective:
She supposed many people thought she was a saint for liking him in spite of his manners (or rather, lack thereof) but to her, he was hers probably because of his brusque and harsh attitude; she prefers his honest remarks over the simpering and facetious ones she was accustomed to whenever she meets her parents’ guests.

Kink noun:
Her affinity of the martial arts was a peculiarity of hers; some see it as an open declaration of total tomboyish-ness while others thought of her as a violent Yakuza-to-be; what they didn’t (and probably will never) know was that he simply looks damn delectable in his white uniform (especially with the sweat trickling down his scowling face) and if she just so happens to like watching the said karateka in action, who is to blame her?

Incurable noun:
Their conditions were chronic; both knew it, and had already prepared themselves mentally, physically and emotionally to face it – they were not frightened of it nor do they dread it – they knew it happens to all one day, and so, when the day comes, it will turn out ok – and he will not go to jail for whacking his father nor would she actually have to lock Chizuru up in a dungeon to prevent the latter from molesting her maid-of-honor (she’ll have to contemplate further on that matter) – they were in love and there is simply no antidote for it.

Fanfiction: Beyond Good And Evil

The freshly dug graves that were numerously scattered across the once lush forests were a grim reminder of the war which barely won, at the cost of the blood which stained the hands of those who fought. Or so, at least, it seemed to him.

He was one of the Heroes who led the final charge towards the ‘seat of Evil’, the Frozen Throne itself. He was one of the Heroes who dealt a crippling blow towards the ‘mindless Evil’ when he defeated his opponent, the treacherous Terrorblade in mortal combat. He was one of the Heroes whose valor and glory shall always be remembered in songs and legends, for he was a champion of Good.

He was also the brother of his slain foe, Magina, and he was also one who has murdered his kin.

He could only stare at the bloodied moonblades, at the deep gaping wound that almost severed his brother’s body into two, at the deluge of crimson blood which poured onto the forsaken earth, at his dying brother, blood bubbling at his lips, his life slowly ebbing away. And it was then that he knew that he had just killed his brother.

It is simple to see the world in white and black, he thought, as his bloodied fingers scrabbled against the rotting earth as he dug stolidly. Good and Evil to be viewed as constants and as long as you fought for the side of Good, no matter the odds, Good shall prevail. For Good is good, and that alone is enough.

It was clear who held the advantage. His dexterous attacks were augmented with the enchanted blade the Butterfly he carried with him, allowing him to swiftly dodge his brother’s heavier and slower slashes. He danced the dance of death, pressing home his advantage and soon had his sibling cornered. And he moved in for the kill. Blinking ahead of Terrorblade, he evaded a clumsy and desperate attack, before channeling all his strength and slashing the former’s abdomen apart.

But, as his fingers sunk into the loamy earth which was watered with the blood spilt, what is Good? What is Evil? What separates these two faces of the same coin, leading to all these rifts and fighting?

His brother stood imperiously in front of him, identical moonblades glimmering in the pale moonlight. “It looks like it’s time to settle old scores, brother.” The hideous face which was contorted by the blood he had drawn created a twisted gargoyle; it was not the brother he knew. He charged forward.

What is the cause of all this fighting? Why was anyone willing to sacrifice their lives for such a goal? He asked himself as he continued with his task. What did all those who died fought for? Was it worth it?

The final attack was a chaotic rout. With their commanding General, the Lord of Avernus indisposed by Purist, the Scourge were leaderless and without morale. His troops easily broke through the left and right flanks, joining the bulk of the army in the middle, swiftly trampling over whatever reserves the Scourge could muster. Nevertheless, there, the vanguard faltered, falling to the deadly moonblades of his brother. He stepped forward. This was his fight.

What about the loved ones these ‘martyrs’ left? Was it worth it to them? Did they find any solace in that the death of their loved ones helped procure a new world for them? He was sure that somehow, some way, Evil ‘loved’ as well.

And what of those who had to kill in order not to be killed? Need they live the rest of their lives with the guilt bearing down upon them, that they had to kill for their future? Will he? He glanced at the body of his enemy, his brother, his friend. Picking the huge body up, he laid it gently into the grave he dug. And he slowly filled it up with dirt back.

The night skies gave way into the purplish dawn he knew so well. The sun was breaking. A new day was beginning. He lifted a large slab of rock and placed it at the head of the grave. Picking up his blood-encrusted moon blades for the last time, he took time to inscribe a fitting eulogy for his fallen brother before finally disposing of the blades for the last time.

Perhaps there will never be answers to all the questions. Or maybe, perhaps, the answers have always been there, only no one is brave enough to sift truly into oneself. He will never know, except for the fact that he fought for reasons he thought Good against that of those he thought Evil. And perhaps his brother fought for the exact same reason.

The shimmering rays of sunlight that broke through the clouds grew. He turned away, leaving the grave, towards the new horizon. Towards a new tomorrow.

And leaving behind a grave whose tombstone simply read, “My brother, a Hero.”

Sometimes, the boundaries between Good and Evil simply do not exist.